


Is Love Alive?

by tikii



Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Other, now with a little bit of comfort, ouch(tm), suicide ideation, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-20 09:36:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17020236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tikii/pseuds/tikii
Summary: In which Oscar runs





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello !  
> I whipped this up in a half an hour today bc I was depressed about Oscar running away.  
> And then I kept on seeing this theory on tumblr about Oscar and the wall , and I have a lot of feelings so I made this.  
> With that said, there is a trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and kind of an attempt. So be careful and enjoy!

You’re probably expecting Oscar to go ‘what was I thinking?’ after he was out on the streets of Argus, ducking into crowds and swerving around people.

He knew exactly what he was thinking. No one wanted him anymore. No one wanted him around, or wanted anything to do with them. Why else would they just stand there and watch as Qrow punched him into the tree? Why else would they just say to stop instead of actually stepping in when Jaune shoved him against the wall?

And he got it. He was practically useless, anyway. He was just Ozpin’s vessel - nothing more, nothing less. The fact that Jaune thought that he was actually Ozpin crossed a line that Oscar didn’t even know was there. But now that he was aware of it, he realized how many times the line was crossed, and how far the line was crossed.

Bottom line: Oscar had to get the hell out of there.

It didn’t really help that he was talking himself out of a panic attack as he ran through the streets, shoving through people, now desperate to get out of there. He would go back to his farm; he left a note for his Aunt before he left. She would welcome him back, right?

Oscar ignored the voice in his head that said, ‘no, she won’t. No one will take you back.’ and continued to navigate his way through the streets, remembering the path that they took to get to the house.

Just thinking of the house made him sick to his stomach and panic rise in his throat.

The freckled farm boy stopped in his tracks, practically choking on a sob, blinking back hot tears. He refused to let them fall. He wouldn’t let them fall. That would mean that they won, right? He wouldn’t cry. He wouldn’t cry. He wouldn’t-

Wouldn’t it be better if he just… disappeared?

That thought made him dizzy. He wasn’t dizzy because of the random timing of the thought - he was dizzy because it was true. They didn’t like him. If he were to disappear or…

Then Ozpin would go a new host, and all this burden would be off of him. He wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.

Oscar’s thoughts wandered back to the wall. It was lined with guards, but he remembered seeing one small, isolated place with no guard on or around it. Would he really be that crazy to…

Before he could think it through, his legs were already moving in the direction of the wall. The bad memories clouded the logical ones as he walked through Argus, wiping away the dampness from his eyes. His mind was dead-set on doing this; he was going to do it, and there would be no alternative.

His aunt wouldn’t taking him back. No one - especially Jaune and Qrow - wanted him there. He was wanted to get rid of this weight on his shoulders. He wanted to feel himself again.

Right now, he felt numb. Numb and hopeless.

(What happened to the sassy, happy farm boy he once was, the desperately logical part of his brain asked.)

(Gone, the other side of his brain said. He’s gone.)

There was a ladder on the side of wall that got him to the isolated area. Oscar bit his lower lip and began to climb, letting out a loud yelp when he lost his grip and fell, crashing onto his side. Wincing, Oscar slowly got up, cursing his shaking arms. A spark of doubt settled in his mind, and that small spark of doubt made it apparent to Oscar that he had to do this right now. He gripped tightly onto the ladder, ignoring the pain in his arm and tried again. As he began to climb, his thoughts wandered once again. His Aunt used to sing him a small song the first month after his parents died. He remembered feeling numb and helpless back then - just as he felt now. His Aunt would sing a bittersweet song that never failed to make him cry.

The couple of lyrics that always got him were, “This is my winter song to you, the storm is coming soon - it rolls in through the sea. My voice a beacon in the night; my words will be your light to carry you to me.”

“Is love alive? Is love alive? Is love…”

Oscar found himself singing the song under his breath as he pulled himself up, finally up the wall. His voice cracked as he took deep breaths. The storm already came - and it hit him full force once it did. Ozpin voice used to be a ‘beacon of light’ that would give him advice and help him. Now, Ozpin was gone, locked away in his head. Oscar had no idea how to access that light anymore.

And love wasn’t alive. At least, not anymore.

That was why he was on the wall.

Oscar had to admit - he wasn’t so sure now. He was so high up. He didn’t think he had it in him to just jump like that. His stomach would drop and then he’d just go ‘ker-splat’ onto the concrete. It sounded painful. He didn’t really want to-

It’s going to be fast and painless. Fast and forward, the cursed part of his brain told him, and it urged him forward more. Now, he was standing on the edge, silent tears rolling down his cheeks as he thought about everything. The good and the bad - the light and the dark. Now that he thought about it, there had always been more dark than light. There had always been more hate than love.

This was it.

He took a step forward-

Except he didn’t. He was stuck. Panic shot it’s way up to his throat as he choked on a soft sob; he couldn’t move. Not a muscle. Not a finger.

“Oscar. Don’t do this.”

He was surprised by his own voice telling him not to do it, but he knew it wasn’t actually him who was telling him not to do it. Ozpin had taken control of him - and Oscar wasn’t happy. He struggled against Ozpin’s control, letting out choked sobs and gasps for air.

Let me do this! He pleaded, noe desperate to just let everything go. Ozpin was silent, but Oscar could feel how he was feeling. Ozpin felt… guilty. Sad. Apathetic. “Please, Oscar.” He said after a while. “Don’t do this.” That was all he said, and it was enough to make the freckled farm boy crumble. Just as fast as he was there, he was gone. Oscar’s small frame racked with sobs as he took a couple of steps away from the edge.

What was he thinking?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they find Oscar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i had this under 'you asked ?? i sadly delivered' in google docs for the past two days  
> i tried lmao

The house went into a state of panic after the first 10 minutes they couldn't find Oscar. Not to mention that when Qrow didn’t pick up Ruby’s calls, she had to drag him away from the bar herself and lay him on the couch of the Cotta-Arc house.

  


Jaune was feeling all sorts of guilty. Especially after he was told that Qrow had punched the boy in the face before they got to Argus. It was a punch directed for Ozpin, Blake had explained to him, but it impacted only Oscar. First the boy was punched, then he was shoved into the wall and accused of lying. Jaune had immediately felt bad after he did it, but after he knew all the information, he was impossibly guilty.

  


Oscar had been through enough. That’s why needed to find him and tell him it wasn’t his fault. Maybe a bit group hug could find itself into the mix.

  


It didn’t matter - they just needed to find Oscar. And fast.

  


So, he, Nora, Ren and Blake split up from Ruby, Blake and Yang so that they could search the entire city - especially the entrance. The plan was that Ruby would quickly search the backstreets of Argus while Yang and Weiss searched the middle streets. Then, Nora and Ren would search the train station and the uppermost streets, and Blake and himself would search the areas around the wall and the markets. They had to be fast, though. There was a way out in the back, the front, and the train station. The farm boy could have just jumped onto a train, being the mouse-quiet boy, he is, he could’ve slipped out the back way and ran, or he could’ve ran out the front without attracting attention to himself. The clock was ticking.

  


Jaune gulped, searching up and down and left and right. He scanned the crowds for a short, brunet, tanned-skinned boy. He couldn’t see a thing.

  


Then he heard murmuring. Not the good kind, though. He had been next to enough crowds to know that whenever a crowd murmurs, it was never good. Those murmurs turned to gasps, and then screams. Jaune felt his heart leap into his throat because _no, Oscar, he wouldn’t_ and pushed his way through the way, ignoring the cries of ‘hey!’. Sure enough, he looked up, and a small boy was crouched on an isolated part of the wall, his hands grabbing at his hair and his small frame shaking. Jaune cursed out loud and fumbled to take out his scroll, trying to think of who could get up the wall quickly. He called Ruby, who responded and said she would be there in a couple of seconds with a sob caught in her throat and searched around frantically for any way of getting up.

  


Then a ladder caught his eye. Jaune pushed through some more people and began to scale the ladder, trying not to let the panic get to him. At this point, Ren, Nora and Blake had arrived and were yelling something, but Jaune couldn’t hear anything. Every noise was just ringing to him at this point. Then he was a blur of red, yellow and white, and sure enough, the rest of Team RWBY was at the scene. Jaune pulled himself up onto the stable ground of the wall, allowing himself to breathe.

  


There sat the farm boy, curled up into a small ball, rocking back and forth and singing something softly under his breath. Perhaps for comfort? But that didn’t matter. Jaune really didn’t know how to approach this. At least Oscar wasn’t thinking of jumping.

  


Jaune looked down at his teammates for support, but they all bit their lip and offered nothing. Or they did, and he just couldn’t hear them.

  


Either way, the blond was on his own.

  


“...Hey.” He said softly, putting his hands up, much like Oscar did when Jaune pinned him to the wall. He remembered when the boy once a panic attack in his presence had, Jaune put his hands up, and that immediately caused him to relax. He was hoping putting his hands up had that effect on Oscar.

  


It actually did the exact opposite.

  


Oscar’s eyes widened as he scrambled back, his chest heaving and his face as pale as a sheet of paper -

  


And he slipped off the edge.

  


Jaune let out an exclamation of alarm and lunged forward, grabbing the farm boy’s hand before he could fall to his oblivion. Oscar was screaming, tears rolling down his cheeks, but Jaune didn’t know what he was screaming - his top priority was to get Oscar back on his feet. Grunting, Jaune began to pull, making sure not to use his second hand until he had Oscar elevated a bit more. To his surprise, the boy was very light, which concerned him slightly, but let him breathe a bit easier. It would be easy to pull him up now.

  


But then Oscar let out a singular huff, looked up at Jaune with the most helpless, exhausted, apologetic expression he had ever seen and -

  


The boy let go.

  


Jaune felt himself yelling out as he tried to lunge for the boy’s hand against, but his fingertips grazed Oscar’s finger tips and he was too late -

  


Then a burst of rose petals exploded in his vision, zoomed down towards Oscar and enveloped him like a protective coat. The rose petals floated down slowly, so Jaune took the opportunity to climb the ladder as quickly as he could and run to through the gates to the other side of the wall, where Ruby was holding an unresponsive Oscar. Jaune’s heart leapt in his throat and he felt sick to his stomach, but Ruby just smiled bitterly at him as she cradled Oscar like a baby, shaking her head.

  


“He’s fine.” That was the first thing Jaune heard that wasn’t ringing. “He’s just in shock. He screamed something about not meaning to when I caught him and that’s when he just… passed out.” She then frowned and looked back down at the boy. It was just then that Jaune noticed that his arm had a big, horrible bruise on it and winced, his hands twitching. When the blond looked to the silver-eyed female for answers, she simply shrugged and continued cradling Oscar.

  


“Holy shit!” Yang’s voice filled the silence in the air as the rest caught up with Jaune and Ruby. “He’s not… is he?” Her voice sounded almost tearful. Ruby frantically shook her head, seeming to be holding back tears of her own.

  


“He’s fine, he’s fine. Just in shock.” She repeated, and the everyone let out a collective sigh of relief. “We should get him back to the house. But I don’t know how to get around the crowd-”

  


“Way ahead of you.” Weiss sent a wink over to Ruby, and the female smiled in return. She then stood up, with Oscar in her arms and began to walk, shaking her head when Jaune offered to carry the boy. She looked at his cautiously before walking away, leaving the blond with an aching pain in his chest.

  


“He’s light…” Jaune heard Ruby say to Yang as the blonde female ran to catch up with her sister. The rest of Team RWBY followed, and Nora grabbed Jaune’s wrist with a small, nervous smile.

  


“It’ll be fine. You can heal him when we get back to the house.” She said softly. Ren put a hand on Jaune’s shoulder and nodded reassuringly, not needing to say anything to get his point across. Jaune took a deep breath and nodded, smiling bitterly at his teammates. He was the one to push Oscar over the edge. He doubted Qrow would apologize anytime soon.

  


He was going to apologize. Maybe not the moment Oscar woke up? Because that would overwhelm him. Yeah - he would apologize like, 10 minutes after Oscar woke up. That sounded like a plan.

  


Before he could think up a storm, Nora dragged him down the streets of Argus and back to the house, where he healed Oscar of his bruises (he had a particularly nasty one on his back) and sat next to the bed, his head resting against the wall. He had time to reflect on his actions, and the more he thought about it, the more disgusted he became with himself. He overreacted. He was mad, but he overreacted in the worst way possible. He scared a child who did nothing wrong and caused all of this.

  


Jaune just had to learn from this. He had learned from every other event he had gone through - what makes this one different?

  


His thoughts were interrupted by a very panicked exhale, and when the blond looked to the side, he locked eyes with wide, scared hazel eyes. Immediately, Jaune scrambled up and took a couple of steps back, his hands up as a gesture of peace. He wanted to convey that he wasn’t going to hurt the boy any more than he had already - both physically and mentally.

  


The scared, wide eyes flickered back and forth from the door to Jaune as if testing something, and then Oscar relaxed a bit, curling impossibly tighter on himself. Deciding to test his luck, Jaune took a small step forward, and then another one when Oscar’s eyes flickered up and then back down.

  


“...please don’t hurt me.” Jaune heard the boy whimper after a long period of silence. The blond bit his lower lip, restraining himself from just babbling out apologies. He had to take this slow - and he had to make sure not to startle him again.

  


Jaune really wanted to reconcile with Oscar.

  


“...I won’t. I promise.” Jaune whispered back, biting back a relieved smile when Oscar locked eyes with him again. “Look, Oscar. I’m…” He let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m really sorry. I overreacted and… you really didn't deserve that. You don’t deserve any of this. I was wrong to pin you against the wall and hurt you… and I’m not asking for you to forgive me right away. I’m just… asking that you…” He should have rehearsed this. “U-um… I’m just asking that you stay here. I promise you’re safe here - hell, we’ll even keep Qrow away from you if that’ll make you comfortable. Just… please. I promise no one will hurt you anymore.”

  


Oscar’s lower lip trembled, and he bit it probably to stop the trembling. Jaune couldn’t help it - he took a big step forward so that he was standing right next to the bed and rubbed the back of his neck, obviously nervous about the boy’s reaction.

  


“...f-fine. I’ll stay.” Oscar mumbled, looking down and sounding so… hopeless and apathetic. Jaune struggled to find something to say, or do for that matter, but a soft sniff stopped him from doing anything. “...I-I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to-”

  


“Hey, hey.” Jaune soothed, hesitantly sitting on the edge of the bed. When Oscar made no movement to scurry away, Jaune continued. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s not your fault.”

  


“B-but I let go, and I ran away, and you were like, running around and I didn’t even know you guys cared that’s why I ran away-” Oscar’s sniffles turned into sobs as he continued, curling into himself for comfort. “I didn’t think you guys would care. I don’t matter to anyone anymore I don’t matter-”

  


“Oscar.” Jaune hated interrupting people, but he needed to interrupt this time. “We all care about you. I promise you that. That wasn’t your fault.”

  


Oscar stopped, clasping his hands together is apprehension. He looked as if he wanted to say something but didn’t. Jaune let out a soft sigh and stood up, trying to smile reassuringly.

  


“I think the others are waiting to see if you’re okay, Oscar. Do you want to go see them?” Jaune asked softly, watching for a reaction. The freckled boy looked very nervous, but before he could say anything, Oscar stood up on wobbling legs and stumbled over to Jaune, his arms out for balance. The blond didn’t want to touch Oscar, just in case he freaked out and flinched away and hurt himself more, so Jaune bit his lip and opened the door for the boy, ignoring the burning in his cheeks as Oscar looked at his weirdly and waddled out the door.

  


Jaune helped direct Oscar towards the living room with his hands hovering over the boy’s shoulders in case he fell and Jaune had to touch him. Oscar seemed to shrink a bit the closer they got to the living room, so Jaune stopped him and crouched in front of him.

  


“You don’t have to do this, Oscar.”

  


“I-I want to.” Was his immediate reply. Oscar looked as if he wanted to prove something to someone, his eyes hardening and his arms wrapping around himself. Jaune winced, wanting to say something in retaliation, but he didn’t. If Oscar had his mind set on it, he would do it.

  


When they stepped into the living room, a collective hush fell over the entire group like a blanket. Oscar shuffled his feet and looked down as Jaune moved to sit down next to Ren.

  


“...Good to see you’re okay, Oscar.” Ruby said after a long moment of silence. Jaune was willing to bet money that everyone was expecting the farm boy to be all quiet and awkward and apologize quietly after another person spoke.

  


What actually happened definitely threw everyone off their rhythm.

  


Oscar, the freckled, sunshine, timid, nice farm boy gave the most chilling glare towards everyone; Jaune involuntarily shuddered as everyone gaped, their eyes wide at the hostile scowl that Oscar was giving them.

  


(Was this the same boy who was nervous about walking into the room a couple of seconds before?)

  


“I don’t have much to say.” Even his tone of voice sent a shiver down Jaune’s spine. “I try to be helpful. I try to be nice. I try to be open-minded. What do I get?” He paused to look at everyone, his shoulders tense. “And don’t you dare tell me that you defended me then. No one said a thing about the punch. No one tried to… help earlier.” His eyes flickered over to Jaune, who just shrunk down slightly. Even though Jaune already apologized, Oscar had every right to be mad.

  


Oscar continued. “I-It’s like… i-it’s like you guys don’t see me as my own person anymore. I feel like you see me like just a vessel. Nothing more than just…” His anger was quickly fading. Jaune felt a pang of pain in his chest as Oscar rambled on and on, now having trouble conveying what he wanted to say. He waved his hands around, using gestures and getting less and less confident. His heart dropped when Oscar’s words turned into soft hiccups, and then loud sobs.

  


Everyone watched in horror as the freckled boy just came undone right in front of them, his anger demeanor vanishing in the snap of a finger.

  


Despite the logical part of him yelling at him not to, Jaune stood up, mad his way over to a sobbing Oscar and just wrapped his arms around him. Instead of flinching away, Oscar hugged him back, much to Jaune’s surprise. The blond began to card his fingers through the boy’s hair and didn’t even flinch when he felt someone else coming up behind him and joining the hug. Nora had come in and joined the hug, then Ren, and then Team RWBY rushed up, officially making it a group hug.

  


Jaune’s heart thrummed with the same beat - **_safe safe safe_** \- as he and the others wrapped around Oscar like a protective cocoon.

  


Huh. He guessed a group hug was in the cards after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wheezing

**Author's Note:**

> I’m kind of sorry ?? But at the same time I’m not lmao


End file.
